Falling in Love Again: An Unexpected Journey in My 40s
If someone had told me six months ago that I would fall in love again, I would have laughed in disbelief. I wasn’t looking for anyone. I wasn’t longing for a relationship. And yet, here I am...
This is a very personal story
If you’ve been following my Notes, you may have noticed me mentioning a new relationship. There is a new man in my life, and falling in love in my forties feels very different from twenty years ago.
In my twenties, spending time with someone was often based on simple things: He likes the same music, we laugh together, he looks nice—boom! Suddenly, we had a mortgage together and were married.
As an adult, building a relationship is very different—at least for me.
Love found me when I least expected it
It had been two years since my last long-term relationship ended. In that time, I had processed things, taken care of myself, and healed. I had met a few people, but none had stayed in my life. I enjoyed being alone. (I wasn’t even using dating apps—I had decided just to live my life.)
Then, last fall, at a work-related event, a particular man caught my attention. He carried himself well and was exceptionally polite. We ended up talking, and over the months, we stayed in touch for work-related matters.
At some point, I realized I was looking forward to his calls more and more. His voice made me smile, and our conversations started stretching longer, including small personal details. It became clear that there was something special here.
When I put my feelings into words
Eventually, we wrapped up our work matters. What now? We had no reason to meet or stay in touch anymore, and I didn’t want to let go of this man. He fascinated and attracted me, and I truly enjoyed talking with him.
So, I suggested we meet for a business lunch to go over a few final details.
In reality, I was just making up an excuse to see him again.
That meeting lasted over five hours! It was, however, very professional, and we mostly talked about work. Eventually, it was time to leave. The man acknowledged that we no longer had a reason to meet.
Then, he asked: “Can I call you—just because…?”
Of course, I said yes.
That same evening, my phone rang. We talked about all sorts of things, and at some point, I decided I had nothing to lose. My phone felt heavy in my hand as I paced around my apartment. I hesitated for a moment.
After a small silence, I said:
"I like you, and I truly enjoy spending time with you. I’ve started to wonder if you could be the man who brings into my life the things I long for."
From that moment, our communication became direct and honest. The outcome? He asked if he could take me to dinner. I said I’d love to go—but first, I needed to make sure I was no longer handling his business at work because I wanted to avoid any conflict of interest. (Always being professional!)
Falling in love as an adult is different
That phone call happened three months ago. Now, I am falling in love.
The most significant thing is that we have talked—a lot.
We have discussed everything—big and small, the joys of everyday life, and the fundamental questions of life.
How do we want to live?
What are we unwilling to compromise on?
What are our dreams?
What brings us joy?
What weaknesses do we see in ourselves?
How do we view finances?
How do we express love and care for each other?
And so on…
We have truly explored our compatibility because neither of us wants to "drift into the wrong kind of relationship" anymore. Both of us know that being alone is just fine, and we would rather be single than in a relationship that doesn’t feel right.
Having these conversations has been nothing but beneficial:
Talking about these topics has ensured that we have a strong connection. It has also created emotional closeness even before physical intimacy happened.
Through our discussions, we both feel that we share the same values and are truly accepted as we are.
I choose to give this a chance
Now that I am in my forties, I have life experience behind me. I have been divorced and had a long relationship after that. I have ended a relationship, and I have been cheated on.
Of course, a new person in my life cannot change what I have been through. But we are the sum of our experiences, so naturally, my past shapes how I think and how I see the world. That is why I was cautious at first. You could say I held back because I couldn’t, and didn’t want to, rush headfirst into a relationship.
However, our long and meaningful conversations built my trust, and I started to feel something I hadn't expected—hope.
Could love still be out there for me?
I decided to be brave. I chose to let go of my fears and see what life still has to offer me.
Of course, I understand reality. I don’t know where this relationship will go or if it will last.
But what I do know is this: I dare to see what life brings. I dare to feel. I dare to love.
And that, in itself, feels like something truly valuable.
What's your experience been with starting a new relationship over 40?